What does she believe?

"I picked up Jolie, escaped the dirty look my mother was giving me, and returned to my life in hell.  I suffered more abuse than I thought humanly possible.  A part of me believed every time he beat me was the last time.  A part of me trusted the promises he made not to touch me again.  Pieces of me believed I deserved it.  I knew what to do and say to make him do it and sometimes I would go ahead and say the magic words to make his rage come out just to get it over with and move on with the rest of my week.  Pieces of me believed it wasn't that bad.  Parts of my heart loved him enough to deny it.  But the biggest piece of me was too scared to leave.  Scared he would kill me.  Scared he would kill my parents.  Scared I would be nothing either way."  Page 86 (Finding Hope, the Journey of a Battered Wife)