Dating Rules

Guess when most battered women meet their abusers?  When they are between the ages of 15 and 19.  Guess when I met mine?  I was 17.  My parents were good parents but we didn't have dating rules.  Here are a few good ones:

1. No dating until age 16 and your dates cannot be more than two years older than you.
2. You have to go on group dates with friends until age 18 and we have to meet the people you are going with.
3. We encourage old fashion dating which means dating lots of people.
4. Dates have to be in public places.  Hanging out at each other's houses is not a date, it is a recipe for temptation.
5. Don't look for a dating partner to "complete" you.  Look for dating partners who "compliment" who you already are.
6. Curfews need to be according to what grade you are in.  If you are in 11th grade, the curfew is 11:00.  If you are in 12th grade, the curfew is 12:00.
7. Friday nights are for dates and going out with friends.
8. Saturday nights are for family activities.  If you don't participate on family nights, you don't get to enjoy Friday nights with friends. (This is key!!! Take your family on a date every week.  It can be to get an ice cream cone, to go bowling, or to rent a movie and make popcorn.)
9. If you miss your curfew, your curfew will be set an hour earlier for one month.  If you miss curfew twice in a month, you are grounded from the phone, computer, and going out for one week.
10. If we suspect dating abuse or an unhealthy relationship developing, we have the right to forbid you to spend time together outside of school.

Children try to grow up as quickly as they can.  They may be in a hurry to fall in love and many of their friends will be in relationships.  You need to tell your children your dating rules at a very early age so they know what to expect.  You need to explain as early as possible the 4 types of dating abuse.  Here they are:

1. Physical abuse:  Grabbing, pinching, slapping, and hitting are all forms of physical abuse.

2. Emotional abuse:  Name calling, teasing, making fun of, putting down, insulting, making you feel bad about yourself or your ideas are all forms of emotional abuse.

3. Sexual abuse:  Pressure to do things with your body or your partner's body that make you uncomfortable, force to be intimate, being seduced to be intimate after you have already said no are all signs of sexual abuse.  You don't have to have intercourse to have been sexually abused.

4. Psychological abuse: threats, stalking, harassing, excessive text messages or phone calls, checking up constantly, threats that your partner will hurt himself or herself if you break up with them, threats that your partner will hurt you if you break up, are all signs of psychological abuse.

Abuse is all about control.  Tell your children that if they ever feel like their partner is trying to control them, to tell you, a trusted family friend, or a teacher.  If their partner is possessive or jealous, they are trying to control them.